Intentions
by Butterfly8272
Summary: Sam is reminded of Jess and what they could have had. Jess/Sam Fic. No Male Slash.
1. An Offering

He wasn't sure how it ended up in his hands, why he began to finger the frayed corners and trace the outline of the image. Somehow the small, wallet-size portrait was right there in front of him. All of these years it had remained intact and clearly identifiable, her hair was still so blonde it shone and her smile was as genuine as he had ever seen it. Or at least that is what Sam hoped he remembered, eight years had put a haze over every memory of Jessica he had and that was what probably frightened him the most when he pulled out the picture. It had been stuffed into one of the numerous pockets that decorated the inside of his well-worn wallet, tucked so far back he had forgotten he carried it with him. The picture was something that had been pulled out countless times in the first few years since violent act that took his girlfriend's life, it was the only thing that kept up his unforgiving need to hunt as they tracked Yellow Eyes. After revenge had been taken, it was self-preservation for Sam and his brother that became a priority next and the last motivator was set aside until it was nearly erased. But nothing could let Sam completely forget about the one woman he loved in his life, at least not for long.

"Hello Sam," Castiel's habit of appearing in locked motel rooms did nothing to startle Sam anymore, it was a regular occurrence. "I am looking for Dean."

"He's not here Cas." Sam informed him as he went about busying himself with emptying out the rest of his wallet.

"When do you expect his return?" Castiel asked, stiffly standing in the middle of the room. When Sam did not immediately respond Castiel repeated the question. But the Winchester was not listening, his attention was drawn back to the artifacts lain out in front of him, specifically to a delicate piece of jewelry. It was a small ring made up of a thin silver band and a undersized, single stone set in it. It was small enough that it had fit into the depths of leather without a tell of its presence, Sam had completely forgotten it was there at all. If he thought back hard enough he could remember purchasing the ring, and his intention of proposing, but it seemed so long ago that Sam was not sure if it was a creation of his imagination.

"Sam?" Castiel asked. "When will Dean be back? It is important I speak with him."

"Sorry Cas, I couldn't tell you for sure." Sam tore his attention away from the ring and toward the angel. "By the way the waitress was flirting with him back at the diner I wouldn't be surprised if he was gone for a few more hours."

"After intercourse." Castiel said easily.

"Uh…yeah, sure."

"He seems to do that a lot." Castiel observed aloud.

"Tell me about it." Sam mumbled. Castiel finally abandoned the spot he had appeared in and pulled out a chair across the table where Sam sat.

"What is that you are holding?" He asked, eyeing what Sam held in his hand.

"It's just a ring." Sam said without looking up.

"An offering to present to your intended." Castiel said.

"Something like that."

"Who is it you intend to offer your loyalty too?"

"No one," Sam grunted. "There's no one anymore."

"What happened?" Castiel continued to interrogate him. Sam thought for a moment about the question, it was simple enough, but he was tempted to answer with the habitual brush off and subject change. Then he felt a sudden need to answer honestly, to dig up all of the feelings he had buried deep inside of him, to insure that they were still capable of being felt.

"Her name was Jessica, we lived together while I was away at Stanford." He began evenly. "While I was away with Dean on a hunt she was attacked by the yellow-eyed demon, when I got back home I found her on the ceiling of the bedroom just before the entire room burst into flames. She died."

"And you were going to proposition this Jessica?"

"It would seem so, I think I carried around this ring in my pocket for weeks, waiting for the right time to propose to her." Sam said, twirling the silver in his large fingers. "I guess I waited too long."


	2. A Home

Sam felt himself drift to sleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, a record for him. His eyes felt heavy and they convinced his brain that it had no choice but to shut off and let it fall back into oblivion. It allowed Sam to enjoy several moments of complete nothingness before it took him into one of the most vivid dreams he had ever experienced.

He was standing in doorway of a small kitchen, its white countertops gleamed from the reflection of the afternoon sun and the floors were spotless. Three empty stools set up at a counter and a fridge covered in children's artwork gave it a lived-in quality that Sam instantly felt comfortable in, despite the unfamiliarity. A pair of voices brought his attention to the kitchen sink where a tall, slim woman in an apron worked to wash some produce, her shining auburn hair trailed halfway down her back in loose curls. She was singing while she worked, quietly reciting words of a nonsensical children's tune. At some point a much younger voice joined in and Sam noticed the small girl standing next to the woman, standing on a stepping stool so that she could reach the sink to help her mother. The little girl boasted a head full of blonde hair and abnormally long legs. When she turned to dry her hands on her mother's apron, Sam felt a shock go through him as he recognized the eyes that could only belong to Jessica. This was young Jessica in her childhood home. Before Sam could do or say anything to the apparition, he felt himself being pulled back through the doorway he stood in and he turned around to see where he was being lead to.

A small apartment was stretched out in front of him, its worn furniture filled the living space and the empty walls broadcasted its vacancy. Sam instantly recognized the apartment to be his from Stanford, the one he shared…

"A little help Sam!" A voice called from the back room. His feet carried him in the direction he needed to go, his brain would not keep up. He found himself in the bedroom in time to see a large box begin to tip back from its perch on the top shelf of the closet, ready to land right on top of the woman underneath it. Sam scrambled to reach the closet in enough time to catch the heavy object before it did any harm. The woman screeched and jumped back to avoid being squished, stepping right onto Sam's toe.

"Oh, I am so sorry Sam!" Jessica cried, she ducked out of the way so that he could push the box more securely onto the shelf. "You saved my life."

"It was nothing really," Sam drawled, moving his hands down to her waist so he could pin her against him. "My pleasure."

"But how can I repay you for your heroics." Jessica fluttered her long eyelashes at him.

"Let me think on that." Sam said while guiding her backwards toward the bed and held on to her while they both fell against the bare mattress. He began to press his lips against the side her neck, making his way up to her ear. "I've got it." He whispered.

"Right now, with all of these moving boxes here to see us?" She asked coyly. "What will they say?"

"That we will unpack them later." Sam played along, moving his hand up her long leg until it met her short denim cut-offs. Jess pursed her lips and feigned concentration.

"We wouldn't want to neglect them though, they've been sitting there for so long already." Jessica placed a quick kiss on his chin before wiggling out from beneath him and rolling off of the mattress. "Make this place inhabitable and then we can enjoy it for everything its worth."

Sam buried his face into the spot where Jessica's shoulder had just been and groaned in disappointment as Jess began to pull off packing tape of a box, but his pity party did not last long before he was pelted in the back of the head with a thick pillow. His reaction was immediate, pulling the cushion out of her hands raising it to return the favor. With a shrill cry Jess ran out of the room and toward the living area, Sam right behind her with retribution in mind. But before he could reach her, Sam felt the floor shift beneath him and the walls rotate until they were no longer those of his shared apartment. Instead he was standing on top of a strip of asphalt that became a long stretch of road. Trees surrounded either side of the highway and it the dark sky left the area eerily silent.

"How does that even happen?" Jessica asked, glaring at a wheel on the black Toyota Prius in front of her. It was obviously flat, to the point that Sam knew it could have only been blown. A quick inspection of the other tires showed that one other boasted the same problem. There was one spare in the trunk but it would only solve one of their problems.

"I called the tow company, it'll be another hour before they can get here." Sam told her, regret evident in his voice.

"That's okay," Jess assured him. "It's warm enough that we can just wait out here."

"Another hour and we won't make it back in time for Thanksgiving dinner." He reminded her. Sam watched as she began to dig in the trunk, lifting bags from the local grocer taking out items they were taking to their destination. Fresh cranberries, giant marshmallows, and pumpkin cookies she made before they left Stanford. Sam had no experience in any of those ingredients and how they applied to a homemade meal on Thanksgiving but he knew enough to know that they were normal for any other American family away from his own.

"That's okay, there's always next year." Jess quipped as she climbed onto the hood of her car, reclining back onto the windshield. She indicated that Sam should do the same by patting the empty place next to her.

"You were so excited to go home." Sam argued, not willing to relinquish his agitation.

"You are home." She responded without missing a beat. "Where ever you are is where I want to be, I have never felt so loved as when I am with you." Sam's eyes met hers as he settled next to her on the car. He bent his head to capture her lips with his and they kissed for several minutes before breaking apart, Jess settling her head against Sam's shoulder as he wrapped his arm completely around her.

"Which one is the Little Dipper?" She asked, looking up at the starlit sky. Sam felt a grin play on his lips while he pointed out all of the constellations he knew to her.

It was not long after when Sam felt himself sliding off of the hood of the Prius and everything around him once again began to shift and dissolve into one another. When it all came back into focus again, he was standing in front of a quaint, two story house. The majority of it was painted a clean white and accented with deep red. The surrounding lawn was neatly mowed and well kept with wild rose bushes bordering the porch that wrapped around toward the back of the house. He had never seen the house before, it was completely unfamiliar to him, but he still felt himself being pulled toward it. He let his feet guide him toward the front door, not bothering to knock before letting himself into the house.

It was quiet inside, not sound was made other than the soft tread of his feet as he walked across the hardwood floor. He passed the living room, walked through a short hallway before he came across stairs that lead upstairs. Without hesitation he began to climb them, gently gripping onto the handrail. The hunter inside of him knew that he should be cautious, turn back now while he could, but a far more convincing force inside Sam kept him moving forward. He carefully studied each detail he saw. A collection of framed photographs hung above the stairs, at eye level. They were various photos of children, three from what he could tell, two boys and a girl. There were no pictures of their parents, only a visual narrative of various milestones throughout their young years. Sam wondered who they were and where they were now.

When he reached the top, he was met with four separate doors, three of them were closed tight and all was dark behind them but one was slightly ajar with a sliver of natural light filtering through. Sam walked toward that one, carefully pushing it open enough to peek inside. It was child's room, a nursery, with a crib in one corner and a cushioned rocking chair next to it. The room was adorned with all sorts of décor, mainly fluffy jungle animals and thick, cardboard books. It was well lit by the large bay window that boasted a built in bench, overstuffed pillows and a blonde woman adorned the seat.

"Jess?" Sam took a small step inside of the room to get a clearer view. Jessica turned around at the sound of his voice and a grin played on her lips. She stood and met Sam halfway, throwing her arms around his neck as he held her against him in a tight embrace.

"I knew you would find me." She whispered, clinging to him.

"Where are we?" Sam stepped back a little to continue looking around.

"Home." She said simply. "Or what would have been our home had things turned out differently."

"Jess." There was nothing that could hide the pain in Sam's voice. "I am so sorry."

"Shh, none of this is your fault, so quit blaming yourself." She said. "I did not bring you here to feel guilt, I brought you here for assurance."

"I don't recognize this place."

"And you wouldn't because you have never been here. This is my heaven, it is what I built from the plans we had and the promises we made. It is everything we will need for our time here."

"Heaven…am I..?"

"No, you were only brought here for a visit, it is temporary and will not last much longer." She told him. "But when you are ready, this is where I will be waiting."

"I don't want to go back. I am ready now, to be with you." Sam said quietly, pushing a stray lock of hair behind Jessica's ear. "I miss you so much Jess, it hurts to be there without you."

"Just a little while longer, baby." Jessica promised. "The world is not ready to lose Sam Winchester." Sam towed her toward him for a kiss, letting it deepen before breaking apart. Jess pulled his down toward her and brought her lips to his ear.

"Be brave." She whispered.


	3. A Little While Longer

Sam awoke abruptly, his breath caught in his throat and a pounding head. He stiffly lay in bed, trying to gather his bearings. He took a moment to recognize the motel's ceiling above him, the water stain hovering in the corner was the same as when he fell asleep earlier. He slowly began to move each limb, starting with the toes and making his way up. When Sam finally felt aware enough, her slipped out of bed, careful not to disturb a sleeping Dean and went out the door. The night's chill instantly hit him and Sam stiffened against the cold. He walked the length of the motel, doing his best to clear his head before he tried to go back to sleep. He was not at all surprised to find Castiel standing beside the Impala when he made it back to the door of his shared room.

"That was you." Sam simply said without any pleasantries.

"You deserve to know." Castiel said, it was his way of acknowledging the sacrifices Sam made, despite sometimes being misdirected. "Nearly every bit of her Heaven is for you, I have seen it myself. Whatever it is you think went unsaid or undone, it was not missed, your Jessica knows of it." Sam only nodded at his words and the pair fell into silence.

"Is there any chance of me finding her?" Sam finally asked. "Of going back to that house?"

"That is not something for me to say with any certainty." Castiel said. "But you have seen Heaven once, it is my belief that you will see it again." Another pause fell between the two and Sam turned to retreat back into the motel room.

"Cas," He quickly turned around, not surprised to see the angel had already gone. "Thank you." He said to emptiness then turned his attention toward the sky, quickly finding the stars that created the Little Dipper.

"Only a little while longer Jess."

**AN: My first Supernatural Fanfic, I loved writing it. Credit for the idea goes to the Tumblr post my roommate told me about that inspired this bit (sorry I don't have a name, I wish I did) I was inspired from it. **

**I do not mean to insinuate any sort of impending doom on Sam that will resolve in his death, but let's be honest, that seems to be the definition of his life so in a way I am simply carrying out the theme of the show. **


End file.
